Children understand that their parents can be unhappy and not want to live together anymore but may not understand that their parents have separated due to “couple issues” and may confuse it with the concept that they don’t want to be parents together anymore. Children may end up blaming themselves for the separation in an attempt to make sense of what is happening to their family. It is important that both parents give their children a clear, non-blaming explanation for why the separation has occurred – i.e. a “Separation Story”.

Some tips for parents when discussing their “Separation Story” with their children:

1. Don’t use lengthy explanations. Keep it short. Two or three sentences are enough. For example: “Your Dad and I decided it was better not to live together anymore because we stopped loving each other and / or we couldn’t stop fighting. We will both always love you.”
2. Make it age appropriate. For a younger child, you might consider saying “Sometimes Mum / Dad aren’t very happy.. we can be happier if we live in two different homes. This means you will see Dad at his house and Mum at her house. We are still your family and always will be your Mum and Dad.”
3. Make sure neither parent is blamed in the “Separation Story”.
4. Do not place your children in the position of having to choose who was right or who was wrong in the relationship or ask them to express their loyalty.
5. Reassure children that you both love them and will always be their parents.
6. If you do not know the answers to their questions, let them know you’ll make things clear to them when you are clearer yourselves.

Source: Uniting Counselling & Mediation – www.uniting.org

To speak to one of our Family Law Solicitors to find out if Mediation or Collaborative Practice is right for you and your situation, contact the team here.